Need a new Name

Given that Rachel Alexander just won the Preakness (which made me oddly proud of my gender... hm....), i was thinking Philadelphia Filly. But i'm almost 30. Not really a filly anymore.

Help me out, guys... i'm swamped in moving arrangements, wedding arrangements, and a two week intensive institute in New Jersey. i need a new blog name.

Nothing about cheese steak, please.

Ugh.

Or Rocky.

"Walk on, walk on, walk on..."

This morning i accepted the job in Philadelphia.

i am happy and terrified. And this is a good thing. Were i not scared, this would not be moving on. But now i am certain that it is. i have often wondered, as i mull over decisions, if it is possible to make a mistake and miss your path forever.

i am inclined to think that your path is indeterminate, and that its end is not destiny. But what do i know?

When i hung up the phone, i sat down on the floor, listened to the Weepies on the stereo, and cried. i will be leaving much behind here, though in a way i feel it has already left me behind, and i am simply closing the door and letting it all go. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.



i will save a place in my heart for Kansas... for the wide openness of it all, and the energy carried across the plains by its summer storms. i will miss how easy it has been to travel from here, and lament the Death Valley trip that will take me a long time to make now. This summer has gone from hectic to whirlwind, and when it is all over i get to start a new job in a new city!

i will miss people. From my best-Kansas friend Ben to Frat Boy Will, to New Guy and New New Guy (who is a great kisser, by the way, but not monogamous - what IS it with that?!) and my colleagues at school who have supported me through some really difficult days.

Five more pounds gone. Forty total. A new life. A new city. Here's to Philly!

Philadelphia

Short post because i'm busy catching up and so confused and torn...

i was offered the job in Philadelphia. No idea about salary yet, and with the increased cost of living, that might decide it. Assuming it doesn't, though... here's my dilemma...

i have a strong sense that i don't belong here. But i don't want that to beat me. i almost feel like i'd be going back to Pennsylvania with my proverbial tail betwixt my lower limbs. i'm afraid i'd always look back on Kansas as the place that won. i think if it were in Seattle or Albequerque it would feel like moving on. But going back to PA seems like copping out.

i'm many unpleasant things (insensitive, elitist, judgemental) but i don't think anyone could accuse me of being a coward. And i don't want to be one now.

On the other hand, maybe there's something to be said for knowing where you don't belong.

i also think i may want to hold out for an upper school biology position.

And it could still be a grand adventure. i could get an apartment in downtown Philadelphia. i've never lived in the middle of a big city before - where you could go out for Chinese at 2am or ride a subway from your place to your best friend's place. i would be going back, almost exactly thirty years later, to the city where i was born, though i left it when i was only two years old.

And i'd be closer to all my family... just about equidistant from my brother and parents, but far enough away to have my space.

Geez, guys, i don't know.