An ending, a beginning...
Jeff and i broke up last week.
Right before comments. Again. And of course i am here blogging and trying to find ways to work through the disappointment and sorrow and not doing my work.
It's almost certainly for the best but that's a difficult thing to admit when you're letting go. People are just so different, and even though you always have to make adjustments when fitting your life in with someone else's, there comes a point when you realize you're doing too much adjusting and it's not comfortable for anyone.
i won't talk about why it happened as i am certain he would consider that too personal for a blog. But i will say that i will miss him tremendously and wish him nothing but happiness and love.
He was the only person i ever thought about marrying, the only person for whom i would drag my frigid butt halfway across the country and back in an ice storm for one kiss. Likewise, i don't think i have ever had anyone love me as thoroughly as he did. And he taught me so much about love, sacrifice, family... and limits. He told me this past spring that i could post this and i just never got around to it, so here he is, my big dorky librarian, and my last words on the subject... at least as far as the internet goes.
Every ending is a beginning, except for the very last ending of course, and so even as i grieve i am beginning to wonder about the future, what it will bring and where i will go. Admittedly, i am now free to consider just about any option i could dream up. i don't think i can find a teaching job in Alaska and i don't think i am willing to give up teaching just yet. Plus the flights home would be wicked expensive. But perhaps Maine. i've always loved Maine. i remember driving through the interior of the state and winding my way among the very northern Appalachian foothills, from little town to little town... and the faint mineral smell of the lakes... the depths of the woods were remarkable...
i am also thinking about a cat. Might as well go ahead and become Cat Lady. But isn't that one of the cutest little faces you've ever seen? C'mon, admit it.... i sent an email but haven't gotten a response yet. i think if i don't hear by Tuesday i will call. Sombody is going to snatch her right up!
Right before comments. Again. And of course i am here blogging and trying to find ways to work through the disappointment and sorrow and not doing my work.
It's almost certainly for the best but that's a difficult thing to admit when you're letting go. People are just so different, and even though you always have to make adjustments when fitting your life in with someone else's, there comes a point when you realize you're doing too much adjusting and it's not comfortable for anyone.
i won't talk about why it happened as i am certain he would consider that too personal for a blog. But i will say that i will miss him tremendously and wish him nothing but happiness and love.
He was the only person i ever thought about marrying, the only person for whom i would drag my frigid butt halfway across the country and back in an ice storm for one kiss. Likewise, i don't think i have ever had anyone love me as thoroughly as he did. And he taught me so much about love, sacrifice, family... and limits. He told me this past spring that i could post this and i just never got around to it, so here he is, my big dorky librarian, and my last words on the subject... at least as far as the internet goes.
Every ending is a beginning, except for the very last ending of course, and so even as i grieve i am beginning to wonder about the future, what it will bring and where i will go. Admittedly, i am now free to consider just about any option i could dream up. i don't think i can find a teaching job in Alaska and i don't think i am willing to give up teaching just yet. Plus the flights home would be wicked expensive. But perhaps Maine. i've always loved Maine. i remember driving through the interior of the state and winding my way among the very northern Appalachian foothills, from little town to little town... and the faint mineral smell of the lakes... the depths of the woods were remarkable...
i am also thinking about a cat. Might as well go ahead and become Cat Lady. But isn't that one of the cutest little faces you've ever seen? C'mon, admit it.... i sent an email but haven't gotten a response yet. i think if i don't hear by Tuesday i will call. Sombody is going to snatch her right up!
posted by ellie at 17:15
3 Comments:
Oh Ellie! I'm thinking about you and if you need to talk or anything, please let me know.
im sorry to hear that. email/call if you want... im here for you.
I'm sorry to hear you broke up. I know you loved him. But you're the smartest cookie I know and I know you will come out on top in the end.
Love you!
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